Strange Travels....

Off to the state capital for a few days. Big time in Columbus. Sure to be rubbing elbows with political bigwigs. Greasing the wheels. Considering my travel companion is one of the most hated figures in local government employment, I'm sure to be dodging angry glares as well.

Truth be told, I just realized a bit ago that I have no earthly clue why the hell I'm going there. None. I was more or less told I'd be heading to Columbus these next few days, and accepted it as gospel (not that I accept any gospel, mind you). What could this meeting possibly be about? I believe this is the first time I've made a trip to the state crapital and had no idea what its for.

Even the scheduling board here in the office offers no assistance. It just says "Columbus" for the next 3 days. No why. No what. No what for.

No matter. If nothing else, I'm sure it will be a bore. I need to perfect the art of sleeping with my eyes wide open.

Maybe this meeting I'll wear a big suit.

The Dark Knight Returns

The new Batman movie has hit theatres. Being the uber-dork that I am, I'll be checking it out as soon as possible. The flick is called BATMAN BEGINS and it's directed by the impressive Christopher Nolan, who will forever be noted for his debut film MEMENTO. He also made the impressive remake of the Swedish movie INSOMNIA. That puts his score at 2 for 2.

Origin stories for comic book characters are always fun to watch and the early word on this one is that it may be the most impressive since Marlon Brando tossed a baby in a spaceship and sent it away from a certain dying planet.

Two good weekends at the movies in a row are set as next week sees the return of Pittsburgh legend Geroge A. Romero with LAND OF THE DEAD. It's about time too. George hasn't really had a flick in wide release since 1988's MONKEY SHINES.

Stop it.

I hereby command the people of the plant earth to STOP wearing these bracelets. Yet another charitable fad that needs to die a quick death rather than linger on like a well-earned hangover. I don't care what color is for what or who you gave a dollar to. Stop it.

Stop it now.

Unless you wear one of these....



Then you are truly lost and there is no hope.

Dancer in the Dark

Interesting. According to reports released all over the news today, Terry Shiavo was blind.

Here's the exact quote from the AP news....

LARGO, Fla. - The autopsy released Wednesday on
Terri Schiavo backed her husband's contention that she was in a persistent vegetative state, finding she was severely and irreversibly brain-damaged and blind as well. It also found no evidence that she was strangled or otherwise abused before she collapsed.

That would mean the above picture would more be Terry reacting to the TOUCH of someone's hand on her face than any actual visual recognition.

So, as sad as it was for her family to see her "pass away", the truth would be that she had (in all reality) passed on some time ago.

This will most likely be the last headline for Terry Shiavo. Florida can rest easy that it can return to making news by screwing up elections and displaying unique homemade boats from Cuba.

What goes around....

In the words of a great silver screen villian as he prepared to do battle with the man who once taught him everything he knew....

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, *I* am the master.....

These were the words that passed through my mind as my partner and I laid waste to the man who taught me Euchre. Victory was secured in a 2-1 defeat of my storied teacher and his new younger apprentice. The circle is now complete indeed.

Two Jacks and an Ace were laid by yours truly to bring in the final two points that turned the once proud professor into a slack-jawed wide-eyed face of disorientation. The truth was out there. The chickens were coming home to roost. His hand was played and he came up short.

Let the Euchre reign of King Lemmy Caution begin......

Safety first

+ PLUS +

Is a very bad idea.

You can learn something new at work every day if you just focus and pay close attention. Grab every chunk of wisom that comes down the pike. Today we were enlightened as to the dangers and evils of mixing cheap dime-store booze and chainsaws. No injuries occurred, but I can safely say that the practice of mixing the two will lead you to the unemployment line. Fast.

Now you know. And, as a great philosopher once said, knowing is half the battle.

Damn you Russell Crowe

You don't want to like the guy. It seems that every interview or tabloid story he's involved in makes him out to look like a bigger and bigger schmuck. Angry, egotistical, loud, obnoxious, and full of swagger. Just an all around australian bastard. (I can say that, having some drops of Australian blood running through me.....if there really is such a thing as Australian anything....I mean it was a prison colony, right?).

And of course there's Proof of Life. Just awful.

Wll, I went and checked out Cinderella Man today...... Damn. No matter how much you need to dislike the guy, he's just an all around phenomenal actor.

How exactly does he manage to complely alter his entire physical and molecular makeup from film to film? Fat and old in THE INSIDER, yound and mean in L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, bloated and...well commanding in MASTER AND COMMANDER. And now middle aged and scrappy in CINDERELLA MAN. And I didn't even mention the damn movie he won an Oscar for.

So credit where it's due. He's no Paul Giamatti, but he's good.

Get away from me kid, you bother me....

I hung a picture of good old W.C. Fields in the office the other day. No good reason other than I've been re-watching some of his classic flicks on DVD lately. It caused quite a cultural clash
between those that knew who W.C. Fields was and those that didn't.

For those of you that don't know him, than I humble suggest the following : NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK, THE BANK DICK, IT'S A GIFT, and YOU CAN'T CHEAT AN HONEST MAN.

All of them are more or less Fields' classics. Funny sight gags mixed with his stange speech patterns and hostility toward kids and animals.

I try not to be snobbish.....I can appreciate a good modern comedy. But there just aren't people like W.C. around anymore. Along with The Marx Brothersand Charlie Chaplin, W.C. was a giant of screen comedy.

You don't seem to come around. Push your finger and make a sound.

Musical bliss.

The White Stripes return with their follow up to the 2003 album ELEPHANT. A fantastic collection of brand new songs called GET BEHIND ME SATAN. Rock, blues, country, and piano ballads intermingle to give us what is easily The White Stripes' most eclectic album to date.

Highlights on the album include a bluegrass tune (!) called Little Ghost, the very catchy My Doorbell, the equally melodic Denial Twist, and the stunning closing number called I'm Lonely (but I Ain't That Lonely Yet).

It's another all around excellent work from Jack and sister Meg (who, like on ELEPHANT, gets her own brief vocal solo on the strange Passive Manipulation).

Out in stores on June 7th, be sure to pick one up.

Along with The Gorillaz's DEMON DAYS and Fiona Apple's unreleased EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE, it's one of the years best albums.

Suddenly DEEP THROAT isn't so sexy....

I've always held a sort of interest and facination with the presidency and persona of Richard Nixon. Old interviews, news footage, and films dealing with Nixon (and Watergate to a degree) have continued to hold an interest over the years.

For some choice fictional films on Nixon, the trinity would be Robert Altman's SECRET HONOR, Alan J. Pakula's ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN, and St. Oliver Stone's NIXON. Honorable mentions go to the strange 1999 comedy DICK.

Woodward and Bernstein always said they would reveal the top-secret identity of their informant known as "Deep Throat" (named after a popular 1972 porno flick starring Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems) when he died. Well, the old codger beat them to the punch.

It's in essance his victory lap around the track. He's no spring chicken and will more than likely be pushing up the daisies any week now.

Setting the politics of Watergate and Nixon aside let's us see the real story here. That's on HELL of a well kept secret. I've always believed that two people can only KEEP a secret if one of them is dead.......I guess 3 can handle it until 1 of them gets damn close.