CHILDREN OF MEN

If Alfonso Cuaron's new film CHILDREN OF MEN is any indication of what kind of year 2007 will be in film, we are in for a fantastic voyage indeed.

Ok, so technically released in 2006 (to attempt to latch onto Oscar votes and years end "best of" lists) it has only recently seen a wider release in Ohio area theaters. Do yourself a humongous favor and make it a point to see what it truly a remarkable film on the big screen with a decent sound system, both of which will only enhance the film's many strong points.

A dark look at the near future (the year 2027) where the world's youngest living human has just died, and women have been mysteriously stricken infertile for the past 30 years. A strikingly different 'end of the world' scenario than has previously played out in works like Stephen King's novel THE STAND, Boris Sagal's cartoonish film THE OMEGA MAN, or any number of 'post apocalyptic' films like Jean-Pierre Jeunet's DELICATESSEN.

The setting is England where an obvious police state has been enacted and all foreigners have been (and are being) evacuated. England has thrown up the fences, border patrols, and military to keep the country intact and the world at bay. But bombs are going off, underground rebel groups supporting immigrants rights are attacking from within, and civilization seems to be hanging by a thread.

I say "seems to be" for a good reason. Cuaron has structured his film is such a way that we are literally with the protagonist, Theodore Faron played by Clive Owen, from the opening frames of the film to the end. There is very little that happens on screen that is not directly in Theodore's immediate realm of senses. We SEE the backgrounds of the crumbling England, the lines of refugees, the cages, the police, and the occasional bomb....but always in a passive manner. Theodore's been here, seen all this, and observes it with a kind of apathetic detachment. Images like a abandoned elementary school or a spay painted sign reading "Last One Alive In England Turn Out The Lights" may grip us with morbid fascination, but they pass by as quickly as they came.

The central story of CHILDREN OF MEN, which I won't go into too much detail about for fears of spoiling it's many surprises and plot twists, actually brings to mind Michael Cutiz's CASABLANCA. At it's core is the story is of Theodore, the uninterested businessman drone (with echoes of Terry Gilliam's BRAZIL here), drug into Bogart's world of passports, papers, visas, checkpoints, and espionage. It's what Cuaron does with that simple story that sets CHILDREN OF MEN apart from the rest of the cineplex crowd.

By making the decision to tell the entire story through Theodore's eyes Cuaron creates the entire world that his film is set in so utterly believable and immediate that it resonates like no other look at our 'future' we've seen before or since. We hear tidbits of television and radio chatter that give us bits and pieces to go on as far as what state the world is in. There are asides and pieces of conversations that we/Theodore hear about a possible 'flu pandemic' or 'nuclear strikes' in the world, but none that go as far as explaining exactly how mankind has arrived at this point in time.

It's this vague 'just out of reach' look at the world Cuaron has dropped us in that give the film such an amazing feel. From there we follow Theodore on trains, buses, buildings, farms, checkpoints, and hideouts on his given quest of what could be the key to mankind's future.
Sounds heavy, and it is, but Cuaron infuses the action sequences with an immediacy that was unlike anything I'd seen recently at the cinema. Prolonged "one take" camera setups literally thrust the viewer into Theodore's immediate place and time.

Supporting roles of note include yet another interesting character brought to life by Michael Caine. He's an aging 'buck the system' hippie that has dropped out to his house in the woods to watch the world go down while listening to music and partaking in what hippies partake in. Julianne Moore is solid as Theodore's ex who sets the mechanics of the plot in motion with her 'special request' of Theodore.

CHILDREN OF MEN builds to an ending that is more than a little heavy handedly promises the possibility of brighter tomorrows. But it's the trip there, and the frighteningly timely images and reminders along the way that warn us of the possibilities ahead.

Why?

Why is it that the icons of the Christian Religion are constantly popping up in food, water, trees, potatoes, and toast?

Do deities of the Muslim religion make a practice out of popping up on desert plants or Middle Eastern foodstuff to incite a passion in the faithful? Does Ganesh do this? I never hear of Jews getting excited about an apparition of some Old Testament figure in a kosher meal.

Since these Heroes of Christian Literature aren't' REALLY becoming bored in some mystical spirit world and making that snap decision to rally the troops by popping up in a urinal hockey puck or half-burnt piece of grilled cheese......you know, because that's ridiculous, then it all comes down to the Christians themselves.

What is it about Christians that makes them seek out these images in everyday life? Certainly not an amazing phenomena.....I remember picking out teddy bears and rabbits out of cloud formations as a kid. But then I grew up and realized they were just......clouds.

I'm not specifically picking on Christians........at least their current fascination isn't strapping on explosives and taking out shopping centers. I'm more amused than anything.

Crowds Pray To Frozen Virgin Mary In Store Freezer

POSTED: 11:52 am EST January 15, 2007

UPDATED: 12:15 pm EST January 15, 2007

An ice formation inside a Morton, Texas, grocery store's freezer is prompting tears from people who see it and has apparently answered the prayers of some visitors, according to a Local 6 News report.

Morton Thrifty Foods employee Alma Avalos said when she went to the back she noticed that some drops of water from the ceiling had frozen.As more and more people began to hear about the Virgin Mary, they started traveling in droves to see the ice.Some people cried when they spotted the ice and others said it answered their prayers."I had a lump in my breast and yesterday when I went home it disappeared," a woman said. "I don't have it no more."Others said they believe the ice formation is the real thing."There are some really Catholic people that really cherish her and they really know it's her and stuff like that and they are really amazed," visitor Stephanie Santos said.Workers at Morton Thrifty Foods said they will keep the Virgin Mary in the freezer.Watch Local 6 News for more on this story

Marshall

"We Are Marshall" could have used an editor at the very least (and the most a more experienced and talented director wouldn't have hurt).

After a brisk and serviceable set up the movie then spins it's wheels for almost an hour and a half. Scenes of grief, heaped upon scenes of more grief with the occasional redundant scene of one character after another expressing doubt. And grief.

A story on the rebuilding of the football program would have been interesting in and of itself, but instead we are subjected to long drawn out "should we or shouldn't we" scenarios that seep to be on some kind of loop.

Eventually the movie get out of this downward spiral of reveling in despair in time to feature a couple of football games. Neither of which contain anything in the way of surprise or originality.

It's a shame such an interesting and human tale was stripped of all reality and emotion and saddled with every single known cliche' that exists in the sports film handbook.

Top 10

Top 10 for 2006

1) PAN’S LABRYNTH - Guillermo del Toro’s absolutely captivating and spellbinding mix of fantasy and harsh ugly reality clash together in what is truly the best film of the entire year. A young girl is shipped into the woods with her pregnant mother and ferociously violent stepfather to sit out the final days of a savage war. The girl escapes the increasingly ugly reality she is mired in by discovering a world of fantasy in the woods nearby. What first seems like a possible true to life fantasy slowly becomes apparent to the viewer as an allegory and escape for the young protagonist. Breathtaking visuals and a sinister story completely enraptured me like nothing else this year.

2) BRICK – Small independent film that takes the idea of a Philip Marlowe / Sam Spade Film noir and mixes it brilliantly with a High School caste system murder mystery. Without a doubt the greatest dialogue that crackled off of any screen this past year. Every line had me doing double takes and smiling wide…..not just for the sheer invention of the dialogue, but also for the way the young cast pulls it off stone faced and serious. The story, with it’s echoes of David Lynch’s TWIN PEAKS, is interesting enough, but it’s the off-the-wall dialogue and dark comic asides that kept BRICK humming along as a truly one of a kind film.

3) THE DESCENT – With dozens of sub-level quality horror movie remakes overflowing into the theatres week after week one tends to get completely bored with the genre, but then from England comes something new and somewhat original. THE DESCENT gathers together a cast of interesting and intelligent characters on a spelunking vacation. Points right off the bat for a collection of characters in a horror movie that don’t feature dumb, oversexed, yawn-inducing teenagers. The movie moves from there into somewhat familiar horror movie territory, but it does so with a flair and originality that keeps the viewer locked in. Amazing cinematography and editing add to the flavor of a movie that keeps hope alive for the fledgling horror genre.

4) V FOR VENDETTA – Another genre taking a beating is the comic book scene. Overblown and over hyped, it’s product this past year went from the bad (FANTASTIC FOUR) to the ultimately bland (SUPERMAN RETURNS). The overlooked V FOR VENDETTA featured some crisp dialogue (dig that opening speech by our masked ‘hero’), handsome photography, and a plot that made a hero out of a terrorist. Hard to believe they pulled it off in the year of UNITED 93 and WORLD TRADE CENTER, but they did. Features the sharp action and big explosions that are necessary for the genre, but also slipped in enough political commentary and social satire to have it rise above the heap.

5) LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE – One of two straight up comedies to make my list this year, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE surprised with it’s dead on cast and snappy scenarios that brought it to life. I went in expecting some kind of half baked rip off of the films of Wes Anderson, but was surprised at how real and human the characters onscreen were. Alan Arkin shines as a loving but loopy grandfather, and Steve Carrell continues to impress in everything he does. The film builds to an obvious satire of the all-too-easy to ridicule world of beauty pageants, but once again rises above the expectations with a wicked and hilarious gut punch of a climax.

6) HARD CANDY – I’m a sucker for a movie that had the guts to be something completely different or experimental in tone and style. HARD CANDY is that type of movie. Featuring basically a cast of just two characters, it weaves it’s wicked story of an internet predator and his not-quite-so naïve’ prey into an edge of your seat drama of cat and mouse. I was never quite sure where the story was going, and that was 99% of the fun. So many movies are easy to map out from their opening moments, when one comes along that truly keeps you following along wondering where the road is leading it’s something to behold.

7) A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION – One doesn’t’ need to be a fan of Garrison Keillor’s 30 year long radio program to enjoy Robert Altman’s final film, but it helps. On one hand it’s a look at small town ideals, family, friends, and down-home values, it’s also a very close look at death and The End of things. The characters weave around backstage preparing their LAST radio show after years together while all the while contemplating togetherness, relationships, and ultimately death. If there was ever an absolutely perfect last film for a director and artist that has given us so much, Robert Altman’s PHC is that movie.

8) THE DEPARTED – For his return to the world of Cops and Robbers, Martin Scorcese chose to remake a popular Chinese gangster movie called INFERNAL AFFAIRS. Sticking surprisingly close to the original, Scorcese’s remake gains it’s own respect through his top notch cast. Matt Damon has truly never been better and turns in one of the strongest performances of the year as the undercover gangster as cop. Leonardo DeCaprio matches him scene for scene as his doppelganger, the undercover gangster as cop. The supporting cast of Marin Sheen, Mark Whalberg, and of course Jack Nicholson make the whole thing go down smooth. Even with it’s predictably happier American ending (as opposed to the original’s downbeat epilogue) THE DEPARTED still rings out as a great gangster tale. It also has what is probably the most humorous last shot of any film this past year.

9) BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT THE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN – Without a doubt the greatest title of any movie this past year, it’s also the hands down FUNNIEST movie of the year. Ignore those saying it’s a fantastic social commentary on America and Americans…..it’s actually just an excuse for the great Sacha Baron Coen to run amok Candid Camera style with his wicked Borat persona. From beginning to end Borat features more genuine laugh out loud moments than any dozed Hollywood comedies.

10 CASINO ROYALE – A huge surprise to myself, having not sat through a James Bond movie since Roger Moore battled Christopher Walken in A VIEW TO A KILL, I was shocked at how original and immediate this film has made the Bond legend. Daniel Craig’s completely and utterly original take on the character infuses the series with a new life and originality not seen in literally decades.

Mann oh mann

MIAMI VICE - Michael Mann is KNOWN for making hard edged ‘cop films’ like HEAT, THIEF, COLLATERAL and MANHUNTER. His latest, MIAMI VICE, is no exception. Dark and edgy with a great ‘undercover cop’ story that takes it’s time to focus on the characters as well as the bursts of action. Makes a perfect double feature with any of the other above mentioned Mann classics. Grade : B+

MONSTER HOUSE - A surprisingly fun animated film focusing on the “scary neighborhood house”, which turns out to actually BE a monster. Very imaginative story with nods to many an 80's classic kid flick. The animation starts out a little on the sketchy side, but by the end becomes a thing of almost 3-D splendor. Grade B

CARS - The latest (and last as far as the original ‘team’ is concerned) from the endlessly talented folks at Pixar. I wasn’t expecting much as I hate Cars, racing, and the like, but was pleasantly surprised to find a very well work story given a fresh coat by the talented voice cast and unbelievably fantastic animation. Grade B

THE DEVIL AND DANIEL JOHNSTON - A look at a case of pure creativity. Watching this documentary on the mentally disturbed singer/songwriter Johnston (kind of a poor man’s Brian Wilson if you will) it would seem that he was just born to create. From Super 8 home movies, to paintings, drawings, songs, albums, pictures, recordings......Johnston seems to have just always been a human art output machine. With so MUCH being created, it’s not all up the lofty quality that some critics lather him with, but he does have talent. It’s just all mangled up in that busy beautiful mind of his. Grade B+

One day off means Movie Fun!

Paul Schraeder's CAT PEOPLE - Can't believe this is the same director who wrote TAXI DRIVER and made AFFLICTION. What a mess. Egads. Grade : F

Alan Arkin's LITTLE MURDERS - 1970's New York look at society and what it is slowly becoming with people afraid to communicate with one another and violence growing on the streets. Based on a play, so the movie comes across a little claustrophobic and absurd at times.....but featured some great performances and interesting ideas. Grade : B

Rian Johnson's BRICK - An utterly fantastic little independent film from this year. A murder mystery set in a California high school done completely in the tone and dialogue of a 1940's Humphrey Bogart / Raymond Chandler style book / film. The dialogue just exploded off the screen and the story was engrossing and kept you guessing at all the right times. Grade : A

Brian DePalma's DRESSED TO KILL - DePalma's fun takeoff of Hitchcock's PSYCHO. It follows PSHYCO'S formula....right down to the shower scene, killed off main character, whacky psychiacric explanations, and hey....even cross dressing. So is it worth it, when we already have Hitchcock? Sure. Depalma is in full "showoff" mode here with great silky sliding camerawork, and lots of gratutious sex and violence. And Michael Caine. In a dress.
Grade : B

Robert Altman's THE LONG GOODBYE - More fun with the now late great Altman. Elliot Gould plays Philip Marlowe in the 1970's.....chain smoking and sarcastically reacting to even the strangest of situations swirling around him. Altman fills the frame with rotten cops, Sterling Hayden, dogs, naked lesbians, thugs, drunks, and Marlowe's quest for catfood. As offbeat as they come, but never boring and always amusing. Grade : B+

Film Fun

Guillermo del Toro's PAN'S LABYRINTH (2006) - Absolute genius. A beautiful, dark, violent, and engrossing fantasy film. Like nothing else out there. Grade A+

Park Chan-wook’s LADY VENGENCE (2005) - The conclusion to Chan-wool's "Vengeance Trilogy", this ended up just being a little more of the same. Great visuals, but a limp storyline. Grade C

John Boorman’s POINT BLANK (1967) - Existential as$ kicking starring the cold Lee Marvin. Kind of a cold and distant movie....but Marvin's character's single mindedness of his existence was kind of fun. Grade B

Robert Altman’s CALIFORNIA SPLIT (1974) - Loose improvised gambling flick from the man who only knows how to make loose and improvised films. Breezy, light, and fun. For once Altman seems to get all the pieces right......including a nice quiet understated ending. Grade A-

Spike Lee’s SUMMER OF SAM (1999) - A little unfocused. Not quite a movie ABOUT the Son OF Sam as much as it is about the neighborhood and the effect the killings had. But the movie even fails to keep that storyline focused well. Grade C-

Stephen Spielberg’s DUEL (1971) - Checking in on where it all began for a young dude named Spielberg. Fun Movie Of The Week about a small car being hassled by a large dirty truck. Even this early it was obvious there was nobody better with pure story than our boy Steve. Grade B+

Oliver Stone’s U-TURN (1997) - A big loud mess of an Oliver Stone movie. Characters come and go, the camera swoops and cuts, storylines pop up and drop out. Yet some how the whole thing keeps moving. Grade C+

David Gregory’s THE GODFATHERS OF MONDO (2003) - Solid little "talking head" documentary on the birth of the "Mondo" movie and it's creators. The bad reputation of the "mondo" movie is surprisingly undeserved, as this doc shows it's humble beginnings and honest creators. Grade B

Russ Meyer’s UP! (1976) - Like a loony toons cartoon come to life. With nudity. This was surprisingly graphically violent for Russ. Not nearly as slapstick as his earlier films, and therefore, not nearly as fun. Grade C+

Robert Rodriguez’s SIN CITY : THE DIRECTOR’S CUT (2005) - I couldn't tell you what the difference between this and the theatrical cut was. Seem the same to me. Still a fascinating film to look at. Truly, truly, there is NO other movie that looks quite like this. Grade B

Movie Weekend Wrapup.....

UNDEAD - Zombie flick from Australia. While the special effects and photography were suprisingly good for a low budget splatter flick, the story was too convoluted and rambling.
Watching the uninteresting characters run from place to place for almost 2 hours became too redundant to bear. Not a complete waste, but could have been much better with a little tighter direction.

KNIFE IN THE WATER - Roman Polanski’s directing debut. Taunt and edgy thriller with just 3 characters. A couple pick up a hitch-hiker and take him along on their sailing outing. Polanski enjoys slowly upping the tension on the (very) small boat between the three of them. It all build up to not much......but it’s still a ride worth taking. An impressive debut.

BATMAN - Tim Burton’s Batman that is. Still entertaining after all these years. Don’t know why so many people didn’t like Michael Keaton’s Batman/Bruce Wayne. Burton is obviously going for a dual personality storyline and Keaton seems to be the obvious choice for Jack Nicolson’s foil.

HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK - Nasty drive-inn grindhouse exploitation madness from notorious Italian director Ruggero Deodato. Very ugly film. David Hess abducts a housefull of yuppies and gives them a dinner party they won’t soon forget. Bizzare twist ending which is surprising for Deodato, whose films usually don’t try this hard to be good.

SAW 2 - Typical modern day horror. A couple of good performances, but other than that it’s the same old cookie cutter story with some twist ending trickery of it’s own. Average at best.

THE PIANIST - Not hard to see why Polanski won the oscar for directing here. While this story of a pianist in Nazi occupied Warsaw could have rambled this way and that, Polanski keeps the storyline and focus sharp and straightforward. Great survival tale.

High or Haute

Saw quite the decent horror movie over the weekend. Which is rare because most of the garbage that gets passed off as part of the horror genre is just that. Garbage.

The movie, titled HIGH TENSION here in America, was made and released in France a couple of years ago as HAUTE TENSION. It was bought by Lions Gate Films here, and then sadly given a horrible English dub job and (even worse) censored by the MPAA of a few min. of bloodshed.

HIGH TENSION is now available on DVD (where you can play it in it’s ORIGINAL French Language, or the sh!tty English dub if you so desire) in glorious wide-screen and completely free of MPAA censorship.

Aside from all that....is it worth it? Why did Lions Gate bother buying the rights to a French horror film? Frence cinema is known more for their avant-garde New Wave films than horror. Only one real director of French horror even comes to mind (Jean Rollins.....and he wasn’t even that good).

The short answer is yes. With one of the greatest sound mixes I’ve heard in a film recently, HIGH TENSION does just that. Tell what seems like a sickeningly simple story with so much claustrophobia and, well tension, that it truly is a horrific film.

Sadly the film does KIND OF go off track in the latter moments, but getting there is quite the ride. Razo sharp photography, that amazing sound mix, and ample scares and violence make HIGH TENSION one of the best horror flicks of the past few years. And from the French no less.

Now That's What I Call Music

Meet the greatest band you've probably never heard of.

Been DEEP into the band THE DECEMBERISTIS lately.

Good music.

Seek it out without delay.

"The Mariner's Revenge Song" is a true highlight....

Speaking of The Captain....

Recently saw Rob Zombie's homage to the golden age of exploitation cinema THE DEVIL'S REJECTS. While not a BAD movie (it achieved what it set out to do.....disturb and entertain) it contains some of the oddest characters and set pieces since.....well since LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. If only David Hess had made a cameo, the circle would have been complete.

Instead of David we get 70's exploitation king Sid Haig. Best known for his big bald head and psycho eyes, Sid made many memorable appearances in Jack Hill's blaxploitation Pam Grier movies (most memorable as he gets jacked with some hypodermic needles by Pam in COFFY).

His character in THE DEVIL'S REJECTS has a name that had me searching out some DVD's. Although not the kind one would expect.....He plays Captian Spaulding.

Thanks to this oddly placed Marx Brothers reference I was inspired to check out the local library's supply of Marx on DVD. It wasn't bad....they had 10 of 11 Marx flicks that I am aware of. (I'm not even sure A NIGHT IN CASABLANCA has ever found it's way to dvd).

Always my favorites, these flicks on DVD are looking good. Probably not as perfect as they could be (there is still the odd missing frames and occasional bad sound), they are still worth hunting out.

There should be a law against this many puns in one exchange....


Capt. Spaulding: How much would you charge to run into an open manhole?
Ravelli: Just the cover charge.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, drop in sometime.
Ravelli: Sewer.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.

Hooray for Captain Spaulding.

Hooray for Captain Spaulding

I've been hearing from people lately that I need to update my Blog.

I agree.....and I didn't know you all cared so much. It's touching really.

Been a tad busy lately. I've taken up kickboxing, gardening, photography and amature surgery as hobbies lately, and they've consumed a good deal of my free time.

Ok. That's a lie.

Really I've just been watching too many movies and old episodes of You Bet You Life.

Groucho Rules.





I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather. - Groucho as Captain Spaulding in ANIMAL CRACKERS

Karaoke weekend at the suicide shack.....

Some odds and ends that I recently was able to get my grubby paws on......

THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS - COMPLETE COLLECTION - Scored this collection of everything Karen O. and the guys have committed to disc. I’ve only ever heard their studio album so this collection of b-side, singles, and live tracks was a good journey. Makes me wonder where the NEXT studio album is..... it’s been a couple years now Karen.

THE WHITE STRIPES - LIVE IN GLASTONBURY 6/24/05 (bootleg) - Was pretty excited to get ahold of this brand spanking new bootleg of a concert from just a few weeks ago. Doesn’t feature enough songs from the new album (Get Behind Me Satan), but otherwise it’s a solid show from Brother Jack and Sister Meg. “My Doorbell” sounds great live.....but did we really need THREE versions of “Passive Manipulation”? Me thinks not.......

DJANGO REINHARDT - VARIOUS ALBUMS - Have been looking for some original studio work from Django ever since the flick SWEET AND LOWDOWN. These recordings are perfect. Great sound quality (for the time) and easy going tunes.

THE EELS - 6 ALBUMS - Haven’t checked all these out yet, but the latest album (“Blinking Lights and Other Revelations”) has been one I’ve been going back to more and more lately. The song “Now You’re Really Livin’” is about as perfect as they come. Looking forward to exploring these albums soon.

THE LATE GREAT DANIEL JOHNSTON - A tribute album to Daniel. Not bad at all. Good folk tunes covered by a wide variety of fringe artists. It has Beck, Tom Waits, The Eels, and Death Cab for Cutie........not a bad lineup. Waits' version of Johnston's "King Kong" was a perfect match. The song is an odd blow-by-blow account of the story of the movie. Fun.

THE DECEMBERISTIS - PICARESQUE - Strange group. They look like refugees from a bad local Renaissance festival. Sound a bit like The Pogues. Kind of a mish mash of bluegrass, folk, punk, and Celtic.

SLEATER-KINNEY - THE WOODS - I know this band has been around for a good bit, but I’m just getting around to them. The album sounds good, but I’ve had a hard time making it past the first track. It’s a thunderous opener with the lead singer screeching “Land Ho!”. First time I’ve heard that phrase spit out in song since Jim Morrison and The Doors.

Strange Travels....

Off to the state capital for a few days. Big time in Columbus. Sure to be rubbing elbows with political bigwigs. Greasing the wheels. Considering my travel companion is one of the most hated figures in local government employment, I'm sure to be dodging angry glares as well.

Truth be told, I just realized a bit ago that I have no earthly clue why the hell I'm going there. None. I was more or less told I'd be heading to Columbus these next few days, and accepted it as gospel (not that I accept any gospel, mind you). What could this meeting possibly be about? I believe this is the first time I've made a trip to the state crapital and had no idea what its for.

Even the scheduling board here in the office offers no assistance. It just says "Columbus" for the next 3 days. No why. No what. No what for.

No matter. If nothing else, I'm sure it will be a bore. I need to perfect the art of sleeping with my eyes wide open.

Maybe this meeting I'll wear a big suit.

The Dark Knight Returns

The new Batman movie has hit theatres. Being the uber-dork that I am, I'll be checking it out as soon as possible. The flick is called BATMAN BEGINS and it's directed by the impressive Christopher Nolan, who will forever be noted for his debut film MEMENTO. He also made the impressive remake of the Swedish movie INSOMNIA. That puts his score at 2 for 2.

Origin stories for comic book characters are always fun to watch and the early word on this one is that it may be the most impressive since Marlon Brando tossed a baby in a spaceship and sent it away from a certain dying planet.

Two good weekends at the movies in a row are set as next week sees the return of Pittsburgh legend Geroge A. Romero with LAND OF THE DEAD. It's about time too. George hasn't really had a flick in wide release since 1988's MONKEY SHINES.

Stop it.

I hereby command the people of the plant earth to STOP wearing these bracelets. Yet another charitable fad that needs to die a quick death rather than linger on like a well-earned hangover. I don't care what color is for what or who you gave a dollar to. Stop it.

Stop it now.

Unless you wear one of these....



Then you are truly lost and there is no hope.

Dancer in the Dark

Interesting. According to reports released all over the news today, Terry Shiavo was blind.

Here's the exact quote from the AP news....

LARGO, Fla. - The autopsy released Wednesday on
Terri Schiavo backed her husband's contention that she was in a persistent vegetative state, finding she was severely and irreversibly brain-damaged and blind as well. It also found no evidence that she was strangled or otherwise abused before she collapsed.

That would mean the above picture would more be Terry reacting to the TOUCH of someone's hand on her face than any actual visual recognition.

So, as sad as it was for her family to see her "pass away", the truth would be that she had (in all reality) passed on some time ago.

This will most likely be the last headline for Terry Shiavo. Florida can rest easy that it can return to making news by screwing up elections and displaying unique homemade boats from Cuba.

What goes around....

In the words of a great silver screen villian as he prepared to do battle with the man who once taught him everything he knew....

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, *I* am the master.....

These were the words that passed through my mind as my partner and I laid waste to the man who taught me Euchre. Victory was secured in a 2-1 defeat of my storied teacher and his new younger apprentice. The circle is now complete indeed.

Two Jacks and an Ace were laid by yours truly to bring in the final two points that turned the once proud professor into a slack-jawed wide-eyed face of disorientation. The truth was out there. The chickens were coming home to roost. His hand was played and he came up short.

Let the Euchre reign of King Lemmy Caution begin......

Safety first

+ PLUS +

Is a very bad idea.

You can learn something new at work every day if you just focus and pay close attention. Grab every chunk of wisom that comes down the pike. Today we were enlightened as to the dangers and evils of mixing cheap dime-store booze and chainsaws. No injuries occurred, but I can safely say that the practice of mixing the two will lead you to the unemployment line. Fast.

Now you know. And, as a great philosopher once said, knowing is half the battle.

Damn you Russell Crowe

You don't want to like the guy. It seems that every interview or tabloid story he's involved in makes him out to look like a bigger and bigger schmuck. Angry, egotistical, loud, obnoxious, and full of swagger. Just an all around australian bastard. (I can say that, having some drops of Australian blood running through me.....if there really is such a thing as Australian anything....I mean it was a prison colony, right?).

And of course there's Proof of Life. Just awful.

Wll, I went and checked out Cinderella Man today...... Damn. No matter how much you need to dislike the guy, he's just an all around phenomenal actor.

How exactly does he manage to complely alter his entire physical and molecular makeup from film to film? Fat and old in THE INSIDER, yound and mean in L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, bloated and...well commanding in MASTER AND COMMANDER. And now middle aged and scrappy in CINDERELLA MAN. And I didn't even mention the damn movie he won an Oscar for.

So credit where it's due. He's no Paul Giamatti, but he's good.